Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
