Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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