So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
