Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
