We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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