I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
