I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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