i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
