It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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