Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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