She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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