How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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