He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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