i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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