No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
