So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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