i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
