his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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