it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
