Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
