In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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