I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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