Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
