Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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