If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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