Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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