I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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