she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
