I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
