8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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