ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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