I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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