the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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