you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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