that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
