I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
