I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
