My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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