better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
