break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
