Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
