I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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