We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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