I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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