Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
