I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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