A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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