Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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