Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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