my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
