Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
