If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He better not be in your backpack
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
