I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
