Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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