I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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