When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
