Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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