My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
