My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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