I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Randomize
