Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
