yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
