all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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