I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
