Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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