i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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