you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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