I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
