omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
