she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
