there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
