i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
