So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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