new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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