Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
