Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
