omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
