this will be a night to untag.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
