The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think my moral compass just broke
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