I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
