She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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