Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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