Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize