This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
