I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I deserve this hangover.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
