mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
