I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
