Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
